Six ~ #RunPhilRun

Training for the run hit a small snag this past week when I was on vacation. We did manage a few 20,000 step days though and the benefit to my personal mental health was enormous so in my mind it was a win … and I’m back at it hard this week.

The biggest struggle for me is always balance. Trying to say no when I need too (without feeling guilty) so that I can get my running hours up and trying to make myself believe that you’re not sick of hearing about this yet. Sooo … are you sick of hearing about this yet? Thoughts, thoughts so many thoughts …

The past couple of years, I’ve been fairly open about a lot of my mental health journey but the almost entirely useless voice of guilt still calls me out quite regularly.
I have an amazing life. By most accounts, I’m living large. So why the voice wonders … So how it asks, could you ever struggle with self-esteem or self-worth?

After 30 years of morning radio, I still get a rush everytime I crack the mic … but … I can’t hear an aircheck without cringing and wondering why anyone would listen to that. I love meeting people in my capacity as a storyteller at Cowbell … telling stories making them laugh … but … I often beat myself up later if I think I could have done something better. I love to sing … can’t listen to myself. When I write a song or a blog (yes, even this) I write and write and write some more … then I post and then I edit …and then I edit again. Nothing ever feels quite done.

I think when you live with any level of depression or anxiety, you’re bound to be tackled regularly by thoughts that pin you to the ground. Thoughts that lie to you:  “I didn’t say that right” “I suck at this” “Nobody really likes me”

It’s a strange feeling to know in our rational minds that it’s all bullshit, but in the moment, it can be paralizing waiting for those thoughts to clear enough to allow some light to shine on the truth: “I DID say that right” I AM good at this” “The right people DO like me”

My daily challenge the past few years has been to try to turn my insecurities and thoughts of low self worth into gratitude. I more than lucked out in the family and friends lottery. So the thought challenge might look like this: “I’m a phoney and I suck” and changing that thought to, “my family/friends are amazing, they love me and want to spend time with me, how lucky am I? I must be amazing too”
And I’ll say again, this is my personal journey and what helps me. I’m not suggesting that what works for me, will work for you however … Does any of that sound familiar to you?

Maybe it’s hard for you to see through the clouds of depression, anxiety, hurt or self loathing but I promise you that somewhere and probably right there in front of you, there are some amazing people who absolutely and unconditionally love you. You must be amazing too!!

I know it’s a LOT more than that. Mental health struggles are complex and varied but I want to encourage you and let you know there are people who genuinely care. There are some links below to some great organizations and they are experts at helping to clear away clouds.

Learn more about the run HERE.

Click on the name to learn more about some of the foundations we’re supporting.
Tanner Steffler Foundation
Wes For Youth Online
#GetInTouchForHutch