Ancora Imparo
One of my best friends lost his dad earlier this week. A few days later, my girlfriend lost a lady she’s been working for and had come to love as a close friend.
I dunno man. Sometimes, there’s nothing anyone can say or do. Humans it seems, have developed this nasty habit of loving and being loved and then dying. It’s been happening, well … forever and it’s bewildering and gut wrenchingly sad.
Cue existential crisis. I often feel like I’ve been having one since I was about 12 years old. A few years ago I said to my “brother from another mother” Shaun, that I would have liked to have been a philosopher. “Would you though?” he said. “I’m afraid a guy who “feels” like you do might explode when you realize how intangible most of the answers actually are to all the questions you have.” He’s right of course, it would have made me crazy…ier.
In Latin “cogito, ergo sum” is most often translated into English as “I think, therefore I am” … a principle given to the world by philosopher René Descartes in 1637.
I know I’m here in some form experiencing something. I “am” … but what do I do with that? Seriously, what’s a guy to do? If I was Descartes, I might have said, “I OVERthink, therefore I am”
At my core, as much as I wish I could say I do, most days I feel like I really don’t have a clue about almost anything. And honestly, I don’t believe any of us do. Humans like to pretend they have it all together but I think most of us are just stumbling around trying to do the best we can. So, I’m working hard these days to just breathe in and breathe out and to trying to accept the moments as they come.
Ancora imparo. Those are words reportedly spoken by Michelangelo at the ripe age of 87! Translated they mean, “And yet I’m still learning”.
I heard those words for the first time a few years ago while on the trip of a lifetime to Italy. For whatever reason, they stuck in my soul like duct tape in my hair. Ancora imparo … words that changed me. Words that have often meant freedom when I’ve been chained to my anxieties, fears and distrust of the world. With all I acknowledge I can’t do, comes the epiphany that I CAN continue to learn.
I’ve come to believe that the purpose of life is not to understand everything. It’s not about my individual happiness or prosperity. I think it’s about trying to live days of purpose, compassion and to absorb things I can give back and to be satisfied with that.
I’m trying to learn how to better use my time, even if that means doing nothing for a day (but that’s a different blog). I’m learning the importance of trying to notice and share the beauty of this experience. Of doing whatever I can to increase loving vibrations on our planet. I’m trying to call my mom more often and tell people I love that I love them, regardless of how awkward it might make us all feel. I’m trying (sometimes failing) to be kinder, more patient and to talk less and listen more … which seems like a good point to end with this week.
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One final thing lol … I’m also trying to be more aware and grateful for all the small things in life that make a BIG difference. Like, for example, a Culbert’s Bakery, Cream Puff! I’m not kidding. That bakery and those donuts have brought a lot of cream covered smiles to a lot of faces over the years. I’ll have pics and a podcast-type interview with Darin Culbert posted here in next week’s blog.
In the meantime, here’s a moment from this past week that brought me peace. We were visiting friends in Kincardine last Sunday. It had been rainy and overcast most of the day and we had given up on seeing a sunrise. Around 8:pm my girlfriend noticed a glare on a wall and we ran outside in time to catch the gift featured in all the images in today’s blog.
Until next time … stay well my friend.
